This is the man I married. The man I bore children to. The man I love. Valentine's Day seems to be the appropriate time to declare how deeply and passionately I love my husband.
I was reading through some old poetry that I wrote in my early twenties, just before I met the man that I would marry. The longing was palpable, the questions burning. Would I find someone to love me? Would he accept my flaws and cherish my ecentricities and admire my strengths? Would he be good and kind and wise? Would he be tender, compassionate, and pure? I was so afraid I'd have to settle. So afraid that I was unworthy for the kind of man I desired. So afraid I might never find a soulmate. So afriad to hope.
If I could go back in time, I would put my arm around that frightened young woman and tell her that everything was going to be allright. That love would find her sooner than she could know. And that the man who would love her would surpass anything she could have ever dreamed. I'd tell her that life would take her on twists and turns, that it would bring her equal measures of joy and pain. But all the while there would be someone to hold her hand, to lift her up, to carry her when she could not go on, and to cherish her with his every breath. I'd tell her that she would be loved infinately. She would be loved. I'd tell her that this man would be her lover, her friend, her champion, her companion, her confidant. That he would care for her with tenderness, that he would strive to truly understand her thoughts, her feelings, her dreams. That he would bring her flowers, catch her tears, and hold her hand. That his touch would thrill her to every inch of her being, that his words would captivate her heart. I'd tell her... I'd tell her... so much.
As it is, I cannot go back. I can only go forward. Forward in the strength and confidence that I am daily loved. This man, this man I married... how that happened I'll never know. I only know that for the rest of my life I will endeavour to deserve him. That each day I am made better just by being near him. He brings out the best in me, he makes me want to be... more than I am. Everything I hope to be. To love, and be loved.