Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Christmas Wish

What is your Christmas Wish? My only wish this year was for the Write It Now program I've been babbling about for months now. My wish is for more than a program, it's for the realization of my dream, the dream I've been carrying around so long now, I can't remember ever having another. I want to write! I want to go to sleep every night and dream in fiction. I want to wake up every morning and pound the words out on paper (well, computer screen), I want to live the life of a writer. I want to stop making excuses. Start making time.

I already know what I'm getting though, and the writing program isn't it. My husband "surprised" me the other day by taking me to the gym I've been wanting to join, the one right across the street from my son's preschool, and therefore the one I can actually get to three times a week, and signed me up. It was a wonderful gift, God bless him! A gift that I wanted, that I needed, a gift that will (eventually) restore my self-confidence, make me a more content person, and thus bring me added happiness. It is not, however, my dream.

His reasoning behind holding off on the writing program was that he knows that I will not have time to use it. This is probably true. And yet I am growing more and more frustrated by the fact that I seem to find time enough for everything in my life except for the very thing I long for. The very thing that I long to devote my time to. Will life ever slow down? How long must I wait?

Slogans thrust themselves at me, "There's no time like the present!", "Life is short!", "Sieze the day!" And I realize that life is passing and I am still not a step closer to my dream than I was when it first settled upon me.

Sacrifices must be made. But at what cost? My family? My household? Ah, time, you are as elusive as an evening mist. Running to catch a hold of something that remains just beyond my grasp...